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Gotta Love the Internet

May 24, 2013

I’m a big fan of Natalie Tran, the Youtuber… But  possibly giving me equally as much joy is the sheer eccentricity of her other fans. Now, Natalie is a bit notorious for never releasing videos when she days she’s going to. This is one nutter’s response, posted in YT comments every day, to one particular extended absence.


DAY 1: My life without Natalie has been awful. I have the withdrawals at night…cold sweats, shaking. I think my heart has broken.

DAY 2: I’m so disappointed, I didn’tdie today. Nothing can fill this empty, Natalie shaped hole in my heart.

DAY 3: Each day gets more and more depressing. Last night, I had a dream Natalie uploaded a new video of her making lamingtons. Then it ended with her saying, “Just kidding. See I lookedyou in the eyes but I was lying. You idiot, you should know I do that. I’m not making you shit. Not lamingtons or a new video. Though if your mum was interested…” My mind ended it right there.

DAY 4: I wassupposed to have a social life after not having Natalie. I don’t. She ruined me and she won’t even come back to me. It’s so bad, that I have put together a horrible Australian accent and talk to myself. Just to pretend it’s Natalie. I also make fake comments up in my mind and read them in my Natalie voice for porno music/comment time, they are REALLY funny. So funny I laugh out loud. Anyone who enters my home immediately leaves.

DAY 5: I regret every joke I repeated of Natalie’s to my friends and family. They didn’t understand, especially the “your mum” jokes…(yeah, don’t try that with family), and shunned me. She’s the reason I’m gonna be alone this Christmas. I’m more certain that I’ll witness Santa wiggling himself down a chimney, than see a NEW Natalie video. “Hope” is meaningless to me now. Are youhappy, Natalie, you ruined a word for me?!!!! I’m sorry. I think I’m going through the anger phase of loss.

DAY 6: I’m feeling nothing but jealousy and rage. Did anyone hear? Natalie will appear in a movie, “Goddess”…look up the movie trailer. “Goddess Movie Trailer Official 2013″… everytime I see her in that trailer is a stab directly to my heart. She cheated on me! I’ve beenfaithful for the past 6 six years and this is what I get?!?!?!! Every time I see her face in that trailer, I feel the knife turning inside my heart. Do you like that Natalie? HMM?!!?! Going to listen to “Before He Cheats”.

DAY 7: My feelings are more mixed than the reviews of Christina Aguilera’s new album. I want to hate Natalie, but I remember everything we shared together. Like when she drank toomuch Milo or when she actually LOVED me. People have told me to move on, that I don’t need Natalie. If only it were that easy! We could’ve had a real good life together, but YOU DIDN’T WANT IT, Natalie! I can’t make it on 1-2 late videos a year! You have no idea how bad it gets!!!! I wish I knew how to quit you.

DAY 8: I have spent the whole day in bed watching Natalie’s videos. From oldest to newest. For a while it made me happy again, thenI reached this one. I felt the pain all over again. The pain of Natalie ripping my still-beating heart right out of my chest, laughing as I look at her with shock. I hope my eyes can still produce tears after today. People think I’m making fun of Natalie with these comments. No. These are my love letters. Going to listen to “Don’t Leave Me” by AAR.

DAY 9: I couldn’t handle the constant agony anymore, I decided to take the advice of a friend. I went to watch, “Jenna Marbles”. It just wasn’t the same. She didn’t have that accent that could make “party”, sound like “potty.” I couldn’t get through one video without feeling incredibly guilty. Natalie, it meant nothing! I promise! You know you are the only one for me. I will waitforever for you, if I must. I hope this is some terrible nightmare and I will wake up and everything will be okay.

DAY 10: I am beginning to think people are getting confused about my message. I am not doing this to nag Natalie. I’m doing this because I love her. I want to show her how bright my love burns for her, how deep and down it runs. My love for you is real, Natalie. Do you feel it? I sure hope you do. It’s okay that you are breaking my heart, because I love you. It’s okay that you are in a movie and didn’t tell us, because I love you. It’s okay that you dress up in drag, because I love you.

DAY 11: Today I had to actually leave my house.It was terrifying. I was speeding, not caring how fast I was going I was just thinking about Natalie. A cop pulled me over. He made me take a drug test. My eyes were so red from crying, thanks to Natalie, it looked like I was high. On a side-note, you all don’t think I know that Natalie has problems? I know! I watched ALL her videos. I know what happened to her. I only want her to come back so she can be loved. Natalie, let me love you! <333333

DAY 12: It’s a New Year and I feel even shittier than before. Glad everyone had someone to make out with, I didn’t. It was just misery and I. Oh, I can’t forget loneliness! That was a great three-way! Picture this, misery, loneliness, and I together. Are you jealous, Nat? Ever since you left I’ve been having some “close-encounters” with misery and loneliness, sometimes anger and jealousy join in as well. Now, when it’s the 5 of us together? Sexy. Not really. I just look like abefore photo.

DAY 13: Today my “friend” came over to see if I was dead or not, I think she was hoping for the former, and saw all the tabs on my browser on Nat’s videos. She then said, “That girl sucks. Jenna Marbles is better.” I got up from the floor, where I fell slept the previous night after crying about Natalie, and yelled at her, “GET OUT!!!!!! YOU BITCH!!!” I had tears rolling down myface. I think I won’t be seeing her again. Good. I don’t like people questioning the brilliance of Natalie Tran.

DAY 14: I just saw a tweet by Natalie it said now that her work for 2012 is over, she would have time for a new video. I almost died right there. Anytime I find any trace of activity by Nat, I have a heart attack resulting from sheer joy. Imustn’t believe her because she has weaved a great many tales before. Do I even need to reference lamingtons? Does she even realize what she has done to my trust? I trust no one! Like you, sink! Why do you take/drain away that rubbish? What’s in it for you?

DAY 15: Today I listened to “Hey Yeah Yeah” by He-Man to fill the void. It almost worked. Then it had me thinking about Natalie’s songs, like herclassic, “I F#cked Your Mum”. I think I’ll go around singing that whenever I have to face the outside world. I wonder how many people I can offend. I’ll make it a game! The more people I can disgust, the more likely Natalie will upload. I’m making bargains with myself, isn’t this how insanity begins? Oh well, I’m too far gone. Hey, Nat are you proud?

DAY 16: So, I did what I said I would yesterday. I sang,”I F#cked Your Mum”, in public. I mean people’s opinion of me couldn’t possibly get ANY lower, so why not? I began to sing the song as I hit the chorus a woman approached me. First she slapped me. This lady looked me right in the eye, her face flashing with pain and anger, and said “My mother is dead.” That’s just great! That changes the whole definition of the song. Now I look EVEN worse than before. I did this all for Nat’s love!

DAY 17: Today I found the perfect song to sum up Nat and I’s relationship. That song would be “This Love” by Maroon 5. Here I will demonstrate the connection between the song and my undying love for Natalie Tran. Here is a line takenstraight from the song. “This love has taken its toll on me, she said goodbye too many times before.” I have never experienced someone taking thoughts from my mind before and making a song.Until today. Natalie, I will declare my love for you daily until you return.

DAY 18: You know those really dramaticcrying scenes in showers? I finally get to have one of those each time I shower. Sometimes to add a little flair I like to take the soap and throw it across the bathroom, then I scream, “WHY?? WHY DID YOU LEAVE????” I overheard my mother on the phone with my father… apparently, they are trying to get me into a porn addiction place. I told them I loved an Asian girl who uploads videos online. I think they got the wrong impression.

DAY 19: As I lay awake tonight thinking about Natalie Tran, I came up with an amazing idea. Every single one of Nat’s fans should strip naked and rub lamingtons all over their body (filming this of course), then they should proceed to upload said videos to all social networkingwebsites. Youtube, twitter, facebook, tumblr and send them to Natalie. Do you think maybe Nat would get the message we want lamingtons AND a new video? In fact, if she did the same video her fans did that would be great.

DAY 20: Everyone who comes in contact with me thinks I’m a drug user without my fix. You know how there’s a drugcalled “Molly”, well I’m always mumbling something about “Nat” and “Natalie”. What social acceptance I had has been decimated. Let’s take a review of it, shall we? To some I f#ck dead mums (see day 16), to others I am a drug user (day 20), and to my parents (see day 18) I am addicted to online porn videos of an Asian girl. Natalie, this is what your disappearance has caused.

DAY 21: I’ve been keeping this streak going for three weeks. Three weeks of pain and crying, three weeks ofjealousy and anger, three weeks of love and concern. I’ve been waiting since October, but only coming back each day for three weeks. Natalie, where are you? I don’t want a new video for a new video, I want a new video so I know that you are alright. I don’t mean stable. You’ll only ever be 10% stable. Sorry.

DAY 22: Today was my 17th birthday. Nobody remembered. Except my mum. Probably because Natalie told her after their nightly “session”. I went to a video where Nat was saying happy birthday to someone. I paused it right at happy birthday, then played another video where it said my name. Soit sounded like she was saying happy birthday to me. For one second of my pathetic life I was happy.

DAY 23: Taylor Swift songs are finally starting to make sense to me. I don’t want us to be, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, Natalie, I want us to be “Love Story”. Obviously the blonde songstress wrote songs about Natalie Tran and her fans. In fact, TaylorSwift must be a fan of Nat’s. How else would she know the experience of crippling heart-break? Look out for Taylor’s new single, “Three Days You Promised”. An instant anthem for every Community Channel fan.

DAY 24: Natalie, I’m not asking youto be Grey’s Anatomy, where your videos will drag on for years and years and become boring as hell, but please don’t end like Heroes. You’ve just presented yourself to me in drag and decide to end it here? Unacceptable!

DAY 25: I’m trying SO hard to stay faithful to Natalie but I am being tempted. His name is Julian Sanchez, he’s a steamy hot latino. When I say hot, I mean H.O.T.T. hot. I’ve been used to the ways of asian love-making, but I’m tempted to try some latinlovin’. Please get back soon! Unless, you wanna try a three-way. 😉 I’m always down for a little color sandwhich. I’ll be the white in the middle!

DAY 26: I feel like the wife of an neglectful, alcoholic husband. I should leave but I cannot on the off-chance that Natalie still loves me. I stay up late at night hoping for her to come back. Which is it,Nat, A LIFE or ME AND VIDEOS? Wait, I’m sorry! I’ll never leave! Please just come back! I miss you so much! I…I just don’t know how much longer I can take crying to Taylor Swift songs. Her country-barn emo songs speak to me on unimaginable levels. Natalie, I can’t live without you.

DAY 27: Some spiders came in my room. I killed one of them, while the other one retreated to the ceiling corner. It was staring at me, plotting its vengeance. I grabbed a newspaper and yelled, “FOR NATALIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. It’s dead.I think. The body has disappeared. Hopefully it’s found by a passing jogger. The spider always was so quiet.

DAY 28: Four weeks, four FUCKING weeks. I’ve been coming back each day but it feels more hopeless and depressing each time. I know that I would wait at the ends of the earth for Natalie. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be feeling okay during that time. I feel like a mess. I’m angry, jealous, and depressed each and every day. Natalie…where are you? Don’t leave like Revan from KOTOR and not come back.I don’t have T3-M4 to help me. Are you cheating on me? Are you fighting the true Sith?

DAY 29: On a last ditch effort I searched the closets to see if Natalie was in there. Hey, Nat, if you are in the closet, youcan come out. Please take Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and R.Kelly out of there as well. I keep hearing, “Now I’m in the closet.” Stop singing R.Kelly!!!!

DAY 30: One month of leaving little rose petal, love letters. Natalie, don’t you see? Follow the trail of flowers. You’ll find me, naked, on your bed. Make sweet love to me, then follow it up with a post-coital video. I’m sure we’ll have ourown “orgasm blush”, if you catch my drift. 😉

DAY 31: I have been developing some creepy tendencies, I blame this on Natalie. Her videos have changed me. I used to be innocent and pure, nowI’m a creeper. I’m worse than those old men at football games who just show to ogle the underage cheerleaders. I find myself wanting to go up to strange and whisper sweet, little nothings into their ears.

DAY 32: My last comment was riddled with mistakes. Probably because my hormones were too raging to bother with grammar. I sit here in a motel lobby making this comment. Many people have seen my crying watching these videos.They asked me what was wrong and I screamed, “PLEASE TOUCH ME!!! IT’S BEEN TOO LONG!” I think sexual harrassments have been filled. Please, Natalie, stop me from going to jail. I have to go now, my prostitute has arrived.

DAY 33: I’m not sure if I feel sad or just sick of it all. Maybe underage drinking will help. Ifeel stupid for loving someone who leaves me but that’s just it, I can’t help it. I love her accent, her anti-socialness, her awkwardness, her mum jokes, her pet peeves and etc. You know what this is ladies and gentlemen? A YouTube love-story. Natalie, where are you? Do you wanna see how far down I can sink? FUCK! Also, Asian girls watch out. I’ll probably replace Nat for you in my sexual DAY 34: I’m incomplete, I cry myself to sleep each night. Do you know what I’ve been reduced to? Watching the Titanic and crying because of the sheer symbolism. The boat being YouTube, you being Rose, me being Jack, and the icebergbeing whatever is stopping you from showing me love. You are letting go, Rose, you bitch! You said you would never let go!

DAY 35: Should I just stop counting the weeks? I have a feeling they are going to start piling up. Now, I understand emo kids. My life does feel meaningless and I have a pretty good feeling I bleed black now. Or well, I think I do. When I feelI’m about to cry, I now have to cry the emo way. Put on tons of dark make-up, turn on Hawthorne Heights or Dashboard Confessional and watch as my dark soul escapes through my eyes of pain. Hair in my eyes are optional. Not the morbid poetry.

DAY 36: The Mass Effect 3 ending was much worse than what Natalie’s been putting me through. Maybe you get fuckedin all choices you make but at least they are different colors. You also get to choose how you are fucked. I don’t have that luxury right now with Natalie. She’s telling me how, when, and where I’m getting fucked. I’ve been right here, for three months, getting fucked by Nat and her friend “absence”.

DAY 37: This heart-wrenching wait for Natalie is awful, I would rather watch the human centipede on repeat than suffer through this anymore. My friends have told meto give you time, I have. I tell myself to have understanding, I do, you are more busy making pr0n and you don’t have time for us, Natalie. Can at least send us the link when it’s uploaded?

DAY 38: I can’t help but to feel a sense of abandonment. My world is dark with coldness and melancholy. I don’t want to make a skin suit out of Natalie, I might send her finger nails and empty bottles she’s sipped, back to her family cause I know she will be missed.

DAY 39: It seems Natalie is following suit to Fall Out Boy. FOB has been on “hiatus” for 3 years.Rumors are always circling around Nat, just like FOB. Maybe she will end up like Blink-182. Just go on a huge ass break and then come back strong. Maybe not as good as before, but still come back. Better than nothing.

DAY 40: Do I need to file a missing person’s report, Nat? Seriously, give mea fucking clue! I am worried about you and it doesn’t help that people are making up death rumors involving you. Why am I always in the dark? I have loved you from the start. I deserve a little bit of trust.

DAY 41: This feels a little bit like Justin Bieber’s and Selenas Gomez’s relationship. It’s off and on. I would rather it would be like Britney Spears’ 55 hour marriage. At least then, it wouldn’t be so awful to say goodbye to you. I wouldn’t have known you through all the good timesand bad times. I wouldn’t know this awkward, Australian Asian who made me feel not alone. I just feel like this might be leading up to a goodbye….I don’t know what to do anymore.

DAY 42:Six weeks. Why doyou do what you do to me? Why won’t you answer me, answer me. I am in misery, ain’t nobody can comfort me, comfort me. I’ll be in my room all night. All alone. Sad and alone. Sad and angry and alone.

DAY 43: For those of you who play Skyrim, I’m going to begin searching the Dwemer ruins for Natalie. (Had to delete day 42, youtube was glitching. Poor youtube, it can’t the misery that is Natalie Tran either.)

DAY 44: I’ve begun to accept my future. I’ll live alone with cats. I’ll watch Nat’s videos, thisobviously being her last one, and then I’ll die naked in a bath tub.

DAY 45: I just finished reading ANDwatching Fight Club, not even IT has the twists and turns that Natalie pulls with us. Is Natalie asleep and her other personality is filming movies???

DAY 46: I don’t really sleep anymore. ” With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything’s far away. Everything’s a copy of a copy of a copy.” I thought I could see Natalie with a camera in her hand. I want to go and kiss Natalie, it turns out it was some Asian girl with an umbrella. I didn’t know an umbrellahandle to the face could hurt that bad.

DAY 47: Sowow, Fall Out Boy came back before Natalie made a new video. Careful, Nat, their songs know what you did in the dark.

DAY 48: “While you go on living your life, I’m still stuck here living in your words.” That’s exactly how I feel. Everything you ever showed me or taught me, Nat, stays swirling around like a hurricane inside my head. Then you left me, I trusted you, I relied on you,I LOVED you, then you left me. I’ll always love you but… I don’t know if I should move on. I’ll stick it out longer but I don’t know what to do after then. P.S. Yes, you saw right, I relate to a Rebecca Black song.

DAY 49: 7 weeks… Natalie, I just have to ask. Why? It’s been a month since you promised, in half-ass way the only way you know how, you would post videos. Lie. You’ll post a new in three days? Lie. But you know what Natalie, Rihanna taught me something, I love the way youlie.

DAY 50: I honestly don’t careanymore. I said I would always love you and that’s true, but I can’t take this much longer. I feel like you used me as your stepping latter into “stardom” and now I’m just that piece of shit that you no longer care about or want. I know I shouldn’t feel that way…but, please, show me that you love me.

DAY 51: You know what? Natalieis a scrub. I don’t want no scrub. A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me. Yes, Natalie, is part male.

DAY 52: Nat, I don’t know if you know this but your comment sectionis starting to look like a lot like Degrassi.

DAY 53: So…you’d be cool if I made a shrine of you, right,Nat? I mean it’s not going to have naked photoshopped pictures of you. Heh. Unless you have REAL ones, but y’know that’s irrelevant because I’m notdoing ANYTHING like that.

DAY 54: I shouldn’t have made that bet… I said if Natalie doesn’t upload a video, then I’ll be a virgin forever.Looks like I’ll be socially awkward, comic reading, video game playing, VIRGIN for the rest of my life….Nat, please upload a video so I can get some.

DAY 55: Woke up with a horrible dream, teasing dream. Natalie made a new video.Ha my sub-conscious sure is a troll. Just when I thought I couldn’t get more pathetic, I’m clutching my lap top telling myself everything is gonna be okay.

DAY 56: So, it’s Valentine’s Day…and I am going to be alone. Just me and myhand. You know I missed the days when I was a kid and got Valentines from the whole class. I used to think that everyone in the class wanted me, I just thought to myself “All these bitches want me? Alriight.” Then it progressed to me crying, then ripping them open to get the candies. Now my mom just gives me shit. So pretty much loneliness, sappy movies, and some solo action tonight. Typical V-Day for me.

DAY 57: I want to hate you half as much I hate myself. You know what? I’m likeOld Yeller, put me out of my misery. If you are done say goodbye. Don’t leave us hanging.

DAY 58: “The 22nd of loneliness and we’ve been through so many thangs I love my man with all honesty but I know he’s cheatin’ on me

I look him in his eyes but all he tells me is lies to keep me near

The 23rd of loneliness, And we don’t talk like we used to do, Now it seems pretty, strange but I’m not buggin’ , ‘CauseI still feel, the same yeah, yeah

I’ll keep giving loving him, Till the day he pushes me away, never go astray”

That’s how I feel about you Natalie. I knew TLC were fans of Nat.

DAY 59: Yesterday marked the4 month anniversary of Nat uploading a video. Just give me a second…. 4 MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS???? Now, I know y’all are saying she has a life out of youtube, true, but what does she do? Creepy things. Like creep a young girl out by offering for her to stand under her umbrella. Or maybe freak out from her OCD tendencies? She’s much better, safe inside, living like a hermit. Or well that’s how she has made me live. Kids look at me and run. Far away.

DAY 60: I have been coming back here each day for two months, more than likely pissing people off and boring the shit out of people. I promised myself that until Natalie has uploaded a video then I shall keep thisstreak alive. I mustn’t fail. If my hero, He-Man, has taught me anything it is perseverance and dedication.

DAY 61: There’s rumors floating about that there is a video of Natalie doing “The Harlem Shake”. I must search for it. Relentlessly.

DAY 62: On nights like thisI like to close my eyes and pretend Natalie is there. I can hear her eating lamingtons then downing them with a glass of Milo, talking on the phone with all of our mum’s. She’s saying she is on a conquest to make love to all of her subscriber’s mums. On the table I can see reviews of Nat’s “services”, your mum has left a review. It says, “10/10 sexy, charming, and a thorough lover would recommend.” Oh, God. No.

DAY 63: I’m beginning Natalie is part of a secret society. Nat, have you joined a fightclub? Are you a party crasher? Did you discover super powers and are fighting crime? Do you stay up late watching the food channel and wake up at 4 in the afternoon? Have you started to watch “Glee” and are currently reading poorly written fanfics full of smut and plots worse than a porno? Or, God forbid, do you have an actual life? If so, CODE RED EVERYONE CODE RED!

DAY 64: “I never told a lie and that makes me a liar, I’ve never never made a bet but we gamblewith desire, I’ve never lit a match with intent to start a fire, but recently the flames are getting out of control.”

DAY 65: I have decided I’m going to take up poetry. Maybe, if I can compress my heart-break in a poem then I can start to feel…better. I could always perform at small bars. When I’m up on the stage, pouring my heart out I will be able to to hear the whispers. The voices will be saying, “Oh look, there’s that fat emo kid. I think she’s talking about her absent Asian lover. How sad.Maybe I’ll give her a glass of SlimFast.” That’s when the tears will fall, artfully, down my miserable face.

DAY 66: Hey new-comers to Community Channel: “Here’s a picture with a note. “No, don’t turn out like me.” It’s only foryour own good.” Natalie will have you falling in love in no time, but you need a heart of steel and more patience than the entire Jedi council.

DAY67: You wanna know something, Nat? I love you more than Rachel Tice loves Gossip Girl. Lala, I love Community Channel soooooo much.

DAY 68: Knocks at the door terrify me. Sometimes I think it’s the Police to speak with me about noise complaints, crying and having constant conversation withmyself can get quite loud, other times it is concerned “friends”. So what I do is put a robe on, untied, nothing underneath, then I answer the door. After they are sufficiently scared, I yell “That’s right! Walk away! Like a bieeeettch.”

DAY 69: I need to findsomeone to 6 my 9.

DAY 70: Promises are never made to be concrete strong. The promises she makes shatter likeglass. I’m left in the after-math of it all, the shards invade my skin and I fall to floor. I’m broken. Minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and all that is left is for months to turn into years. I’m constantly tripping into her web. I flail and scream but no one ever saves me. She tears my heart open, then heals it. So now I’m in her web; complacent.

DAY 71: I like to go to the library and leave all the computers on her videos. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, I can sync them all up to “I F#CKED URMUM”, then run like hell.

DAY 72:Buzz, buzz, buzz. Who is this AnnaAkana? I must investigate.

DAY 73: I searched her channel. Watched many of her videos. Then I discovered she was the girlfriend of Ray William Johnson. Ray WilliamJohnson? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

DAY 74:I scoff at anyone’s attempt to replicate Nat’s self-deprecating humor, or her seemingly large slew of neuroses. She was the first, it will always just be her. Her and her damn Battlestar Galactica shirt. Watching that Anna Akana will be like comparingrich Belgian chocolate to twinkies. Blasphemy.

DAY 75: Today has been a rainy, depressingday. I stayed in my room all day, crying but you know that’s a given, listening to “Don’t Forget” by Demi Lovato. Yes, I’ve stooped to an all time low. Let’s take a look at some of the lyrics of the song. “Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget everything we ever had?” The chorus hits me like a hurricane. I didn’t know that Demi Lovato watched Natalie’s videos. I know she’s feeling the same pain I am. Natalie, come back for Demi Lovato.

DAY 76: I have a feelingLeonardo DiCaprio is going to win an Oscar before Natalie comes back.

DAY 77: My sanity has been questioned. Some people don’t understand. She pulls you in, then she leaves you locked up. You try to escape but you can’t. Then she walks away. Asyou watch in terror, you are helpless. All you can do is scream. But it’s useless. When she does come back, you are counting the days until this happens all over again. Though, no matter how much it happens, a little piece of you will always die. I’m not insane. Natalie, come back again, it’s almost easy.

DAY 78: I feel like Adam Sandler in Click, except time is passing me bywithout me actually going anywhere.

DAY 79: Every day I wake up, I face a nightmare.At least my dreams are constructed buildings of my subconscious. The world that greets me each morning with a slap to a face, it is something uncontrollable. In my dreams, dandelions aren’t just a weed. They are fireworks that flash, with colors your eye can’t even recognize, in the sky when you throw them. They don’t just fall lifeless to the ground. In this perfect world, Natalie has come back and she won’t leave. Then I wake up. To nothing.

DAY 80: Yesterday, I did nothing but watch DoctorWho. I’m hoping Natalie is number 12 and that’s why she is busy.

DAY 81: The once foreign feeling of perpetual darkness has now become familiar. Some people close their eyes to embrace the black, but I never will. My heart always re-lights the fading candle of “hope”.

DAY 82: When I close my eyes I see a montage of Natalie’s videos to thetune of “Thanks For The Memories” by Fall Out Boy.

DAY 83: If this painful journey has brought me anything, it would be those of you who understand/feel my pain. I would like to thank you all. Please, don’t be creeped out if I devote an entire chapter to you all in my book, “The pain of loving Natalie Tran, I’m so tired ofwaiting can I stop waiting? Well she does have a life, maybe I should get one.” The chapter title will be equally as long. I, also, want to say I’m proud to be Santana Lopez’s home-girl. Santana, I shall buy you breadsticks.

DAY 84: I certainly hope Natalie is not going the 2007 Britney Spears route. Please, Nat, ifyou come back don’t have your head shaved.

DAY 85: Ihave watched a marathon of Harry Potter. I think Natalie is my patronus.

DAY 86: It has been exactly 5 months since Natalie has put up a new video. That’s about 152 days, 3,652 hours, and 219,145 minutes. I’ve spent all that time inmisery. I’d wager there is a lot more to come.

DAY 87: My dad doesn’t understand why I want to see an Australian film,but my mum does. We all know why.

DAY 88: I think Natalie should star in a Hangover movie. She should wake up with 2 strangers in her bed, one being a midget and another being Lady Gaga. We all know just how she likes to get her freak on.

DAY 89: You’re the one giving up the love anytime she needs it, but you turn your back and then she’s off and running with the crowd. You’re the one to sacrifice anything to please her, do you really think she thinks about you when she’s out? She’s a cold heartedsnake, look in to her eyes. Uh oh. She’s been telling lies.

DAY 90: I would like to make an official note. Yes, new-comers, we know about Natalie’s two line role in Goddess. The filming for that movie has been done for quite some time. I honestly have no clue what she is doing. Shedrops strange jokes on Facebook and Twitter, but that’s about it. I’m half-tempted to locate her, then proceed to smear lamingtons all over her.

DAY 91: Wishes and hope escape from my mind. Every day they become lighter and lighter, where before they were heavy andthey held on to me. It’s getting harder and harder to keep my hand grasping theirs’. I think I’m letting go. I’m sorry wishes. I’m sorry hope. I don’t believe in you anymore. Bitter as ever, I spat out, “You know what they say about hope. It breeds eternal misery.” Nothing left of me but a ghost. Walk right through me. Maybe you can feel my cold hands reaching for your heart.

DAY 92: I want to make something perfectly clear, I ain’t no hollaback girl. A few times I’ve been around that track. So it’s notjust gonna happen like that. But you know what? This shit is bananas. Do I need to spell it out for you, Nat? B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

DAY 93: It’s official. My Chemical Romance has broken upBEFORE Natalie Tran has returned to YouTube.

DAY 94: So everyday she cans gains money after not uploading a video for 5 months? Now I know what “they” mean when they said, “life isn’t fair.”

DAY 95: I don’t like pain, but I bring it to life

I don’t like scars but I am good with a knife

I don’t like tears when I’mstarting to cry

And then I realize I’m destroying my life.

DAY 96:We all must look like fools. Coming back, wishing, hoping. In fact, we look like Hachi. Don’t know who that is? He’s a dog that waited ten damn years for his owner at a train station.

DAY 97: “You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I’m bound by the life you left behind Your face – ithaunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice – it chased away All the sanity in me. These wounds won’t seem to heal This pain is just too real There’s just too much that time cannot erase. I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone But though you’re still with me I’ve been alone all along.” Amy Lee GETS me.

DAY 98: “Humans have a knack forchoosing precisely the things that are worst for them.”

-J.K. Rowling

DAY 99: I have checked Natalie’s twitter… another promise. Let us see if she keeps thisone. Perhaps my long journey may finally reach an end.

DAY 100: One hundred days? It feels like a century, instead. Perhaps I can rescue Elizabeth from Columbia so she can make a tear into an alternate universe where you make videosconsistently.

DAY 101: It is the moment of truth. Like Admiral David Anderson once said, before dying a beautifulbut tragic death, “It feels like forever since I… just…sat down.” What path will you chose, Natalie? Destroy(our hopes and dreams), Control(our lives by casually uploading videos with long breaks), or Synthesis(combining your soul, your being with ours.) I urge you to take the Paragon way. Run, Natalie, run into the large, green beam.

DAY 102: Yes, I know I commented on the new video but I would like to say something. I’m sorry to those who I truly bothered and I’m humbled to have made anyone laugh. It has been lovely.You all are lovely. Thank you for reading. I do not if I will ever do this again, but remember I will always be around… like your creepy uncle Steve. I shall see you again, I’m off to watch the new video another 100 times. :‘) Too many tears on my keyboard…

From → Internet Culture

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