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Avoid those blogs that tell you how to “pull”

May 15, 2015

The other day I had the misfortune to come across another one of those vile blog-slash-PR-bits or something, which feed you ideas about what a wondrous man’s man you could be if only you could Believe in Yourself and buy this shampoo. You know the ones, that tell you what you can do with your willy if it’s half a millimetre below average, or how to attract women if you’re bald as a bean. Because bald men lose their social ability along with their hair. Right down the drain. Splash.

This one was How To Know If Women Are Flirting With You. Well, call me a ludicrous progressive, but I find the best way is to stand very still and see if she propels herself onto my person at some later point in the night. In this day and age, you can’t expect women to wait around for men, they’ll tend to just do what they want. After all, if women are going to stand about twiddling their hair and biting their lips waiting for a suitor to pop up with a melodious serenade, those individuals deserve not to “get any”, as the kids say. It’s laziness I tell you, blatant laziness.

Nonetheless, according to this article, that’s what women do. They don’t talk to you or make physical contact you or anything like that, nor do they act like rational human beings who want something. Instead, they place their hands triangularly over their crotch to point at their vaginas.

Is it just me? Is the world mad? I have never seen a woman do that, and I’m sure I would notice, since every fibre of my being would think that was a decidedly odd thing to do. Maybe women just don’t do that kind of thing in my general direction.

But that counts for something. I’m a sort of average looking bloke. If I was an absolute studmuffin, I might expect to be privy to this sort of bizarre behaviour, because very attractive people often are privy to strange behaviour, and I don’t envy them one bit.

Instead, my dates usually involve a completely normal conversation, followed by a kiss hiding the words “Fuck it, he’ll do.”

I’m not being down on myself. If those particular women have ever dated any studs, a substantial proportion of them will have done something arseholey at some point. If my recommendation is “no worse than that parade of jerk-offs”, I can probably live with that. It’s generally more long lasting than ab worship. It’s the kind of affection that grows, rather than fades.

When I’m chatting to someone I like, they don’t do any of this flirtatious stuff, probably because I’m not the type of person who makes other people weak at the knees. The few people I’ve met who were really and obviously “into” me I found to be a bit on the creepy side, so it suits me when people aren’t being “flirty”. Yes, I know I sound like an alien, putting perfectly ordinary things in quote marks. Maybe I am. And proud.

Last time I was on a date, that woman spoke to me as normal, with no flirty signs particularly. Because I’d just read one of those infernal articles, I was looking for some kind of sign. When I didn’t see one, I got a bit disappointed, thinking she wasn’t really into me. Then just as I go to leave, WHAM, she lays on me a kiss on the mouth. OK, not really Wham. It wasn’t that violent. Nor was it a gay boyband. But it was certainly something more than what was promised by her distinct lack of vagina pointing.

What I object to is the systematic failure to see that people behave differently, and react differently to different people in different situations, depending on how well those people know each other, and yes, how each of them look. There is, in addition, always an abject failure to acknowledge that us average Joes might actually be better off.

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