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Flirting out of trouble

May 22, 2015

I never accepted the whole idea of that sort of femme fatale woman who flirts with men to gain advantage. It always seemed ridiculous, especially considering the way those characters end up in film. I certainly had no trouble accepting that this was a sexist and inaccurate portrayal of woman, and that women never do this.

The other day though, I was given pause for thought. A friend of mine told me about at experience she had in a bar when an aggressive man couldn’t decide whether he was going to try and pay her to have sex with him, or frighten her into it. She said that she’d decided to flirt with this guy a bit to get him to leave her alone.

That sounds a bit odd, I said. A bit counter-intuitive. Isn’t that playing with fire?

She told me that you never call out a man like that, because they will do anything in their power to deny to themselves that they are a sexual predator. They will go to such lengths to deny it, that if you question them, they will get very aggressive, even violent. She said this was from her personal experience.

She told me that in this situation, the only power a woman has is her sexuality, that if you can make a man like that think with his junK, he will be pacified long enough that you will be able to trick him and get away from that situation.

That still sounded risky to me, because if you were rumbled, surely such a man would get even angrier and more aggressive. Then I reasoned, this man probably isn’t too bright. He probably doesn’t have a long attention span. He probably isn’t too determined, or too fussy. He probably doesn’t think of himself as a man who has trouble with women. If she disappears somewhere, he probably won’t pursue her, he’ll go on to his next victim.

That is far from ideal, but his predatory behaviour isn’t her responsibility. Her way is a form of personal protection that apparently works, and anything that works is fine by me. The mistake I think is most often made is where women don’t realise how predatory the man who’s after them is. That makes them more vulnerable than my friend who knows full well, and is going to go out of her way not to put herself in a sticky situation.

Maybe one day this guy will get spurned so much, he’ll finally get the hint and try some other more respectful approach, or give up trying to “get girls” altogether. Maybe he’ll stop taking coke, that’ll help.

Clubs are weird places. Sex is on display there and people don’t understand the idea of window shopping. Everyone wants to grab. There are some men, probably this one, who use any method they can think of (not many) up to and including the illegal ones, to get what they want, then complain about women manipulating them with their sexuality. Before doing that, it’s worth thinking about one’s own behaviour.

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